5-24-08 - Hollywood Prom

Now when I was in high school if the kids decided they wanted to do a vintage Hollywood theme, we would carefully cut out shapes from cardboard and decorate the gym with the nicest forms of plastic and corrugated backdrops we could find. I remember lovingly attaching streamers to the ceiling with double stick tape and prayed that it held until after the event. Today is quite different. When the kids say they want a vintage Hollywood prom, we book the Roosevelt Hotel and peek around corners looking for the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. My heavens how times have changed!!

When I was in high school, your date arrived at the door with a corsage that he wasn’t quite sure how to attach with your parents standing over him… the smart fellas invested in the kind with elastic that slipped carefully over your wrist. Now these were nice until you tried to dance and then you showered the floor with petals all around you. Last night I didn’t notice a flower attached to a single girl.

When I went shopping for a dress for prom, all the retailers had plenty of poofy chiffon dresses and the bigger your hoop slip the better… trying to sit down with one of these gowns took skills. I thought I was pushing the envelope when I purchased one with rhinestones over the shoulder and a handkerchief bottom. Today, the girls dropped probably no less than $500 bucks to wear plunging necklines and glitz that seems right at home in front of Mann’s Chinese Theatre. A couple of them could have even made that ghost of Marilyn Monroe blush.

Our “kids” didn’t wash Dad’s new car, but rented Hummer limo and party busses so they could bring along 40+ of their closest friends. They pulled up to the entrance with lights flashing, videos playing and the music blaring from these small apartments on wheels so loud than I could feel my heart pound in my throat!

I don’t remember ever being “searched” before prom, but we actually hired a company to search our students before they enter the dance. Even then, we were forced to call parents to pick up kids who were either drinking or popping pills BEFORE the prom. And… lest I forget the girl drama that occurred because someone broke someone’s heart and didn’t invite them to the prom. (That part, I am afraid has not changed in decades)

Typically the school “avoids”booking hotels for our proms, because too many well-meaning parents actually rent rooms for their children to party with their friends. Heaven only knows what actually happens in these rooms.

After calling parents of "high" students, breaking up girl fights, and praying that children are not conceived in the middle of the “mosh pit” on the dance floor, we announced the king and queen and attempted to send the babies off in their expensive rides around midnight.

Now this would be wonderful, if all those limos actually picked up the kids when they were supposed to… but oh no, they double and triple book themselves and every year we are stuck at the venue until 1 am … this year 2 am with kids who were waiting on their cars.

This time my boss and I looked at each other and said “Nevermore” will we patronize this venue. He was on one street corner; I was a block down on another, with every weirdo and derelict in Hollyweird. I commented that “Ethel” and I worked that corner well… only I didn’t get paid! I was like a mother hen huddling my chicks into a safe area. Seems the Roosevelt Hotel is home to one of Hollywood’s hottest clubs and about the time our kids were going home… it was just getting fired up. Lesson Learned!

We finally got home around 2:30 am and I was so wired I couldn’t sleep… my feet were swollen, I had stood on the street corner with “Ethel” so long my arms were numb with the chill of the evening and the stench of the club goers cigarette smoke was still in my hair.

At that moment I sighed and realized that my job was over, I could only imagine how many parents were losing sleep waiting for their child to come home from the time of their lives. Hopefully our kids made some lasting memories that when they send their own kids off in rockets to blast to the moon for their prom, they can look back a reminisce of their own special evening… hopefully I will be dead by then!

5-23-08 -- The Empire Strikes Back!

The last couple of weeks have been interesting in that I have once again witnessed the idiocy that we have labeled “freedom” at its finest.  Somehow I feel our founding fathers must be rolling in their graves with the thought of have we have corrupted their common sense approach to government and societal freedom and turned it into the nonsense we now call American society.  And let me qualify by saying that I still shed a tear when the national anthem is played, would love to ship off all those who roast our President on the nightly news, and shiver to know we have two students in our school who refuse to stand for the flag because we failed to educate them with the simple fact that their forefathers died to give them the right to be stupid... all in the name of "political correctness."

 

Ok so I am a bit fired up this week.  It began with news that an expulsion hearing for a young man who pushed a teacher was dismissed because the teacher did not feel comfortable being “roasted” by the kid’s attorney and our schools (especially on the west coast) now run in fear any time the word “lawsuit” is mumbled.  This is due to a long history of any knucklehead who wants to challenge the “system” usually wins in the Ninth Circuit of Appeals, schools understand that if they are sued, the scarce monies they are given to educate children would quickly be gobbled up by some nutcase who doesn’t want to follow the rules. 

 

This incident was followed by a young man who “loaned” his property to friend only to “steal” it back and demand retribution.  This little matter took a colleague two full days to investigate.  When the school told his parents that we actually had film showing the young man walking with the property, the parents quickly attacked the school official demanding their child was not capable of such and act and demanded the see the film.  Now… if memory serves me, we have a section in our agenda book of rules dedicated to “Things Not to Bring to School.”  This section it CLEARLY reads “Do not Bring Things to School You Can Not Afford to Lose… THE SCHOOL IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST OR STOLEN ITEMS.”   So… why did we lose two days that we could have focused on providing a quality education trying to prove that this kid was lying?

 

Between lunch on Friday and the final bell I dealt with round three of a racial conflict, an potential girl fight over “mad dogging (aka bad looks at each other)” a parent who insisted that we could not hold a truancy hearing because her innocent son wasn’t ditching; only to find that “little Johnny” was ridding the home of any phone message or letter which implicated him in misconduct, and finally explaining to a mother why it was ok for me to question her son as to why he had gang references on his notebook because he had “only ran to a fight” and we were not “picking on him” because he had be warned TWICE about the graffiti. 

 

ARGH!!!! As we sat around at the end of the day discussing the sheer nonsense of our week the thought occurred to me.  What if… the Empire actually did strike back?  What if… a student was sued by the teacher for putting hands on him?  What if…  a school official refused an apology from a parent who just cussed them out for something their kid ACTUALLY did.  What if… a teacher took little Johnny and Sally to court for inflicting Traumatic Stress Disorder?  What if… communities ran kids/gangs out of town for destroying public property?  Would the world change?   Tell me… what exactly is it that we need to do to get the fella with the white hat back on the horse without threat of some judge who is more interested in his or her own political agenda than serving the spirit of the law? 

5-16-2008 - They Send Us Their Most Valuable Thing"

For years it has amazed me how indignant parents can become when they learn that the school has given their child disciplinary an action.  I remember in elementary school my mother told me, “If you ever get in trouble at school, you can expect double that when you get home.”  She made a believer out of me and despite my strong sense of independence I escaped the first twelve years of my education with only a detention for chewing gum in class.  There were times that I remember my parents “marching down to that school” to speak to the principal, but it was because that cranky 1st grade teacher publicly embarrassed me for using an orange crayon on that duck rather than a yellow one… but that was different!  Or, when my mother called the principal because that mean ole 5th grade math teacher refused to take my make-up math homework, but once again … that was different.  I guess it depends on one’s perspective as to why they “march down to that school.”  

 

I can relate to the old saying, “Where you stand, is where you sit.”  It not only applies to politics, but the education of children as well.   I still remember sitting in a pre-year staff development meeting as a young teacher and hearing the principal say, “Just remember, parents send us the most the important thing in their life…their child.  When we deal with them remember how precious the object.”   As a school administrator I try to remember these words while parents are yelling at me.  Parents send us the best that they can, and it is my job to assist them shape their child to be a respectful citizen.

 

When a parent “marches” into my office, they bring with them not only memories of that delightful baby, but also the scrapped knee, hand-picked flowers and tears of pain. … they mix in their fears, feelings of failure and sheer desperation.  They need to “vent” these emotions.  Although they don’t know me, I suddenly I become public enemy number one because I have exercised my right to discipline their child.   Although I never hesitate to explain to a parent that I have the legal right (en loco parentis… meaning just as parents) to discipline a kid on my watch, it is difficult for them to admit that their “perfect” child could be a fault or worse they have failed as a parent.  That is not to discount at times that teachers are human and may be unaware they were unfair.

 

The important thing to understand is that in order for children (including teenagers) to feel safe, you must define boundaries for them.  Despite your love as a parent, when a child makes a mistake they must learn from it.   How quickly does society judge the battered wife for “staying in an abusive relationship”?  We hear over and over, why does that woman allow that man to treat her that way?   Why then is it ok for parents to enable an abusive child?   If there is no correction the behavior will not stop and the child will assume the bad behavior is ok because their parents allow it.  If I had a quarter for every time I heard a child in the discipline office be verbally abusive to their parents I could retire tomorrow.  I never hesitate to tell the kid… that the person you are speaking to gave life to you, keeps clothes on your back, and feeds you… do not treat them with disrespect in this office! Unfortunately this pattern starts at a young age, and by the time they get to my office there isn’t much we can do to reshape the behavior.

 

Last week I gave a Saturday School to a student who had numerous tardies to class.  When I questioned him as to why he was tardy to one class and not another, his response was clear.  “Oh Mr.Teacherman doesn’t allow you walk in late to his class.”   I remember a professor said, “if you expect mediocrity, you will get mediocrity… if you expect excellence, you will get excellence.”  Kids seem to reflect your expectations of them.  If you expect them to be knuckleheads, then they will gladly oblige you.  

 

I guess what I am trying to say is … we should not allow people (kids or adults) to treat us badly.  If you set clear expectations and refuse less, folks will somehow measure up.  That’s not to say that everyone doesn’t have a bad day now and again, but if society communicated what will not be tolerated perhaps we might change the world for the better.  

 

Parents, before you “march” please step back and evaluate… is this a teachable moment for your child?  School officials please remember… parents send their child, their most valuable commodity, handle with care.

 

 

 

5-9-08 - Sarah's Story

 It was nice to be back in the office after literally weeks of preparing for state assessments.  I was tuned and ready to deal with children who forgot to serve a detention or momentarily forgot that the teacher was the “boss” of the classroom.  I had successfully removed the pen cap from a young lad’s mouth that thought it was quite funny to make whistling noises in the discipline office and all was good in the world. 

 

Then… in the luxury of my peace, a staff member walked in and reported that a young man had witnessed an older man “handing off” something to one of our female students at a local convenience store a couple blocks from school.  He was concerned for her safety and came straight to the office to report it.   Of course a number of red flags went off in my head, you know the kind you too often see on the nightly news, so I located her first period class and went to find her. 

 

As I entered the class, students were all engaged in a group math activity.  I was concerned that she might “drop” the item, so I quickly asked the teacher to identify her and informed her that she needed to take all of her items to the office with her.  Now Sarah was about 15 years old… she was a petite young girl with big doe eyes that welled with tears when I asked her if she had anything in her possession that should not be a school.   I followed up with my standard statement… "I usually know the answer before I ask, so you can be honest with me OR I can turn this over to the police and your parents can pick you up at the police station."  This method is usually quick and painless; students usually come clean with the thought of the police contacting their parents while they are sitting in a jail cell. 

 

Before we reached the office, Sarah immediately told me that she had a “friend” buy her vodka and it was now in her purse.  When I asked her how much she consumed she started crying and said, she couldn’t drink it, because make her sick.  As much as I wanted to laugh at her plight, I reminded myself that if a child is paying for hard liquor before school starts, there must be something terribly wrong in her life.   I searched her belongings and found a small bottle of cheap vodka with about a cap-full missing.  She later explained that she had thrown up the small amount she consumed… I told her that even most adults require lots of fruits and/or sugar to get that stuff down.

 

When I asked her what was so terrible that she needed to drink before school, she began crying again and told me that she had only been enrolled at our school for a couple months… she had moved in with her dad because her older sister was having trouble and needed to move back in with her mother and they just didn’t get along.  She thought she was doing the right thing moving to our town with her dad, but she missed her friends and her dog.  She went on to say that when she transferred that our school required more credits to graduate than her previous school (anyone else think we need a standard system nation-wide?) and that she wanted to transfer to our continuation school so she could catch up.  She added that her aunt has just passed away and her grandmother was now also dying.  It was just more than she could handle and she thought the booze would make her feel better.  When I asked about her relationship with her Dad, she said they got along fine, but she had not shared with him how upset she was about the chaos in her life.

 

Sure enough, when I called Dad he totally shocked by his daughter’s behavior.  At first he wanted to blame the school because we had not “helped” his oldest daughter.  After a long phone conversation trying to focus him back on the situation at hand, I convinced him that I was indeed concerned about this daughter and I “the school” would do everything I could to help her.  I informed him that alcohol on the campus was an automatic five day suspension from school and that I had called the School Resource Officer (police officer) who would probably also cite her for having the vodka on campus.  I was very disappointed to hear that his concern was primarily with the embarrassment of the issue, he stated that he worked for the city and knew many police officers and he hoped they could resolve the issue without dragging his name through the mud.  Good grief Dad… is there any wonder your daughter doesn’t confide in you? 

 

When the SRO arrived, Sarah and her Dad were sitting on the bench outside my office waiting their fate.  I explained the situation to the officer and since Sarah made good grades, had no discipline referrals, and was struggling with family issues I requested that he only do a Field Information card, “FI,” and not arrest her at the request of the school administrator.   Since this SRO had worked with me for seven years, his jaw fell to the floor.  He looked up at Sarah and said, I can only think of one other time Ms Castleman has requested that I NOT arrest a student… look at the sign hanging over your head.  He was referring to my wooden plaque with the phrase,” Don’t Mess with Texas.”   He told her, “You must be a very special young lady.”

 

The truth of the matter is… Sarah was a very special young lady.  What this child needed at the moment was someone on her side.  Citing this young lady would not solve her dilemma.  Heck, she couldn’t even get the vodka down.  This was an opportunity to prove to both her (and her dad) that the school was not “the bad guys” and hopefully make a drastic bout face for a college-bound child who had never been in trouble in her life.  

 

My hope for this family is that they will use this time to grow closer and dig deep to give Sarah the love and support that she so obviously needs.  Sarah had “fallen on the sword” so that her troubled sister could be with their mother, now this family needs to realize that sometimes the “good kid” needs some attention too!    

5-8-08 -- The Hanging Judge Returns

It had only been two weeks since Judge Roy Bean (The Hanging Judge) had been called out of town for some dubious task. In that short time The Daltons Boys and Billy the Kid had Zorro tied up in the classroom, Captain Crunch had been using apples for bongs in the boys restroom, and Tonto has stolen a master key and was replacing I-Pods with “Silver Bullets” everyone’s locker.  The Preacher frantically signaled (via telegraph of course) for someone to find The Hanging Judge to restore order to the land...who was at the time forced by the trained monkeys to arrange countless state assessments for unexpecting children of the town. (Gotcha Jawaha)

 

OK… so I have an over-inflated sense of importance!  But, today it was known throughout the land that the HANGING JUDGE WAS BACK ON THE BENCH!  Yesterday I hummed a sober version of “Taps” while tear ran down Debbie’s face as we counted the last testing bin and removed its contents for shipment.  OK… I’m lying about that too, but it was nice that the bulk of that darn test was now over.   Today I returned to five hundred discipline referrals! (still lying)

 

 

Please do not ask me how many outlaws I suspended today, I lost count somewhere around ten (not lying.)  It amazes me how in two short weeks children can accumulate six to ten referrals.  After shaming them for hours I banished them home with their folks for some additional parental time that obviously didn’t work in the first place!

 

I really did have an encounter with “Billy the Kid.”  Knowing that Billy was one of the most ornery outlaws in the land, yesterday I moved him to a table by himself for California High School Exit Exam make up and even whispered “sweet nothings” in his ear before I left the room in hopes that he might actually finish the exam without it being invalidated due to his bad behavior.  My efforts were futile in that a couple hours later I returned to find the empty chair where Billy once sat.

 

Understanding I would need “deal” with Billy the Kid today, he appeared on the radar in a very peculiar way.  I received a visit from his very upset Algebra teacher who was frustrated not only with Billy, but with a colleague who was allowing him to stay in her room every day while he ditched his math class.  She was rightly upset about the matter.  I launched a series of emails to his case manager (Special Education) his counselor, all his teachers, and the school nurse directing them to send Billy to the appropriate class lest he get a summons from the Hanging Judge. 

You see, a couple weeks ago, we had met in an IEP (meeting to evaluate educational services of special education students) and discussed the need for Billy to assume accountability for his behavior so that we might actually educate him.  Following the meeting, the counselor shared that Billy has a very hostile home environment.  His father is a drunk and Billy has to routinely assist his mother when his Dad is falling around the house.  His older brother (who has an entire section of gray hairs in my head dedicated to his honor) is now in treatment for a cocaine addiction, and the only coping skill Billy has is to blow up and cuss everyone out.

Our own Energizer Bunny, who we refer to as School Nurse, took this as her own personal challenge to help this young man get back on track.  Ifound this quite amusing given that Billy insists that he is a member of White Power (local Neo-Nazi group of young people) and the school nurse is Jewish… for some reason she looked beyond the ignorance, and had championed his cause.  Once again today she went into battle for his success.  She contacted all his teachers, played mediator with them all and set up a concrete step by step plan for this young man to return to class… lest the Hanging Judge get to him first!

 

I couldn’t help but laugh when she explained how she actually got him to sign a form from a local organization (Jewish Family Services) that has been working with the community to help families get back on track.  When I asked her how she managed to put aside the “HATE” and love this young man despite his prejudice, she just replied, “This is my test.” 

 

I understood exactly what she meant.  "Life Tests” walk in our offices every day.  On some subliminal level you can hear the public announcement bulletin… “This is a test, for the next six month your character will be tested as to how you deal with this individual… this is only a test.”   In my tenure as a school administrator, I’ve had my faith shaken to its knees and I know a good test when I see one.  However, my own personal faith is also attached to Jesus' reply to the Apostle Peter… “If you love me, feed my sheep.”  This is my reason for getting out of bed each morning.  Every day, we are all met with folks that are in so much pain that any glimmer of hope from us maybe the only incentive they have to continue this crazy rat race. Unfortunately, I forget this at times.  Although sending teenagers to the “gallows” is often necessary to help them establish clear boundaries, may I never forget to give them their last meal!  

4-28-08 - Stuck in the Middle with You!

“Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to right… here I am stuck in the middle with you”!  That particular song has served me well the past couple weeks.  It is the most dreaded time of year… standardized testing began today.  Now merely “starting” this endeavor doesn’t “just happen.”  It has taken Debbie and I two solid weeks to set those darn testing bins for 114 teachers.  Because of the unique way we split Algebra and Geometry, we had to verify EACH student’s math class before we could label the exam for proctors.  And… as if my already frazzled nerves were not tense enough, the trained monkeys at the state as well as a few of our own mistakes, screwed up the order this year.  Almost daily for two weeks we were requesting additional exams that were initially shipped incorrectly.  

 

Now I have settled into my position as assessment coordinator fairly well for seven years, but for some reason this year has been more difficult than usual.  I don’t know if it was the addition of a new Braille student who need a modified exam at the last minute or the fact that the state shipped us only two of the three audio versions of the exams we needed, but it seems like everybody’s needs were being met except my own.  I have requested a formal complaint be lodged with the State Department of Education for the number of exams we have going… ALL AT THE SAME TIME!   This week we administer the STAR exam, next Monday we give the APRENDA to the Spanish-speaking students who have been in the country less than 12 months (that order was not correct either), Tuesday and Wednesday we the CAHSEE to 10th graders who were absent during the March administration, then finally on Thursday and Friday we will give the STAR make-up exams.  All of this is going on while Advanced Placement exams are given to students enrolled in AP courses as well as CELDT exams who are given to non-English speakers who are enrolled during the month.   Did I mention something about clowns and jokers... there are a few of them in the state capital!??

 

Last weekend I gladly accepted an invitation to join seven of my girlfriends for a little rest and relaxation in Palm Springs.  My friend’s father owns a condo there and it provides the much needed rest and relaxation for us all.  Now I mention this, because just two days ago I enjoyed an exciting water volleyball game with the girls (ranging age 42 and up) and thought to myself, PLAY IS MISSING FROM MY LIFE!  For some reason I manage to allow all the “clowns” and “jokers” to suck all the life out of me! Thank heavens I have a group of friends who drag my behind off for some fun now and again. 

 

I was relaxed, although a bit sunburned from a wonderful weekend when just in a matter of moments I allowed the “jokers” to get me again.   I collected all the bins from teachers, the day went off without a hitch, but when I returned to the office I noticed some “clowns” hanging around outside the door of After School Detention.  Our “golden girl” otherwise known as our lead campus supervisor was attempting to shoo the “clowns” away from the door distracting their friends.  They were not listening to her, so I walked over myself.  I finally got them to leave, when I looked up and one of them was tapping on the window yelling at a friend inside.  I “yelled” myself for him to take off, when one of his buddies smirked and yelled “Why are you so angry”?  I walked over to the wise crackers and was met with more disrespect.  When I asked the “joker” to join me in the office he refused and long story short this resulted in three administrators and a police officer friend who happened by getting sucked into a huge ugly scene in front of the school.  I LOST MY TEMPER!  I WAS ANGRY!  Although I am a bit “plain spoken” I can usually hold my cool, but today I lost it!  I yelled at the kid, his friend in the purple pants, who kept yelling that his friend should run from me, and anyone else who would listen!  I marched them both in office gave the Saturday Schools and called their mothers.  One was supportive but “purple pant's” mother wanted to believe her son.  After I hung up for the phone, I could feel my blood pressure throbbing in my eyes and thought to myself… what was I thinking??  Is this job worth all of this nonsense?  Why are kids so disrespectful?  And… who left them in charge anyway??

 

When I finally got home I remembered my song… “Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right… here I am stuck in the middle with you.”  Whether it happens to be the screwed up testing orders or smart mouth teenage boys somehow we are all “stuck in the middle” surrounded by life’s nonsense.  How we choose to deal with the nonsense is entirely up to us.  Life is full of “Clowns” and “Jokers” and from time to time they do rattle our cages.  The key is making sure that we take enough time to “play” so that we don’t simply shut down.   Today I let the “Clowns” get to me… I got extremely angry.  As my police officer friend remarked, “You pulled a Texas on them”!  Maybe that is what they needed, but allowing the situation to fully control my being was not healthy.  Instead of imagining folks in their underwear as public speakers often do, from now on I choose to see my world with painted faces and squeaky red noses!

 

 

Stuck In The Middle With You"

(As recorded by Stealers Wheel)
J. EGAN
GERRY RAFFERTY

Well I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I'll fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face
Losing control yeah, I'm all over the place
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please, please.

Try to make some sense of it all
But I can see it makes no sense at all
Is it cruel to go to sleep on the floor
Yeah I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you.

And you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please, please.

Yeah I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I'll fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Here I am stuck in the middle with you.

(c) Copyright 1973 by Baby Bun Music Ltd. and Ricochet Music Ltd., London, England.
All rights for U.S.A. and Canada assigned to the Hudson Bay Music Company, 1619
Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10019.

 

4-18-08 - The Unexpected

As a former social studies teacher I have been trained to anticipate the “expected.” After all, if we don’t learn from history we are doomed to repeat it aren’t we? I have found too many times I presume a person’s behavior simply by similar experiences I’ve had in the past with similar individuals. Heck, I have even been praised for my anticipatory actions based on my dealings with the “teenage herd.” Recently, a very handsome athletic director commented to me about the hours that football coaches spend reviewing films of other teams. By the time their own workouts come around, they can share with their team what percentage of the time the opponent will be successful on any given play simply by predicting other teams actions based on these films.

Sociologists spend their entire careers observing human interactions and the likelihood that certain patterns of behavior repeat itself. I was pondering on these thoughts when a good friend sent an email with the following paragraph summarizing the events of a lifetime:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back... Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. (Author unknown) This “predictive” advice I thought was quite good. How many times do school officials counsel children because someone did not “perform” at the level expected. Parents are supposed to be loving,supportive and self-sacrificing… but at times they are not. We have many kids attempting to shield themselves from the pain inflicted by parents who were/are not mature enough to assume their role in the family. Teachers are supposed to be fair, intellectually challenging, and unable to feel the pain of rejection by their students. Gangsters assume that the police officer they are shooting on the street is a blob of computer-generated electrons without a family who depends on him. Young girls routinely find themselves in tears because young “Romeo” broke their heart. We have certain expectations of “normal” and how “normal relationships” ought to be… Many times the pain of previous relationships is projected onto others in an attempt to shield from future suffering. I am afraid may times we attempt to live in world of “shoulda” “woulda” coulda.” And we don’t allow ourselves to experience the fullness of life’s experiences. The armor that some use to protect themselves is in fact keeping them from the richness of life’s adventures. I recall Brenda from an earlier blog; as a new transfer to our school she was never able to put the guard down long enough to see that despite the fact she had been bumped from foster home to foster home there were indeed some adults who genuinely cared for her. Her mental “paradigm” of painful relationships prevented her from gaining the love and support that she desperately needed. By pushing others away with hostility, she was in fact protecting herself from all the painful “films”running through her memory. I wonder if she will ever have a loving relationship based upon her life experiences? As humans we have all been hurt in someway, just as we have hurt others. If we go through life expecting that “everyone is out to get me” we are doomed to a life of turmoil. However if we teach our child that pain in inevitable, given that all humans “drop the ball” from time to time, perhaps we can equip them to deal with the uncertainty of the world. This may come in the form of distance from an emotionally unhealthy relative or friend, or letting go of an abusive relationship. Teaching them to expect the “unexpected” is the key to humanity as well as the way to push through the pain of their childhood and find the path to healthy relationships.

4-15-08 - Traveling on a Bus to Nowhere!

My mother raised an ornery child and nobody knows this better than my secretary, Debbie.  She knows this the best because each spring for about two weeks, eight hours a day she is confined in a dusty ole textbook storage room with me counting and sorting about sixty boxes of state mandated exams.  Anyone who has ever worked with us on the project can attest that we get pretty loopy in our semi-solitary confinement.  I can only take just so much serious, then I feel the need to find humor in the mundane…. usually at the expense of some unknowing kids name.  Now come on, it a parent names a kid a stupid name, it is my responsibility to laugh at it!  

 

Today was no different except the fact that both us didn’t feel well and we were actually nice to each other.  On a normal day I like to jokingly blame her for all the mistakes… and trust me I get it right back in the face.  And whoa is me if I loan out some of her #2 lead pencils… you would think I had taken one of her boys.  Over the years Debbie has become much more than my secretary, but one of my best friends. 

 

In an attempt to snap meout of the afternoon trance from counting one too many chemistry exams, Debbie told me abouta dream she had last night.  She had offered to chaperone a school trip for her eldest son and they boarded a bus… she went on to say they traveled for hours, only to arrive back at the school without stopping anywhere.  The funny thing she said, is that I was the only one concerned that we hadn’t gone anywhere… “We were on a bus to nowhere”!  We laughed about this for a while, but I started thinking…

 

This morning as I was rushing out of the office to tackle my testing project I was stopped by one of our staff members asking me if I could deal with the young man seated on the bench. (I will run faster next time)  This young man was sent to the office because he had his cell phone out and class and refused to give it to the teacher.  I long for the days before cell phones.  Cell phones are the adolescent pacifier… if you take one away, be prepared for the tantrum which is to follow.  Children today are permanently attached to the silly things.  And heaven forbid if a teacher takes one of them.  We have a policy if the phone is out during class it is kept in the administrative office until a parent comes and signs for it. First violation, the parent must pick up phone, second violation, parent must meet with administrator, and the third violation the student is suspended.  It literally amazes me at the parents who find themselves banging on the closed school door at 4:30 pm to pick up their child’s phone because the kid can’t do without their “binky” for one night.   Some parents make the excuse “my child needs it for emergencies.”  In fact, a friend who is currently on our SWAT team shared with me that during the incident at Columbine High School in Colorado the cell towers clogged up with student calls and emergency personnel had difficulty communicating with each other!  Amazing how our generation made 12 years of school without one of these things!

 

Anyway, not only did this young man refuse to hand over his phone to the teacher, when I asked him for the cell phone, he refused to give it to me as well.  I did not recognize the student; he later told me that he had only attended our school for two weeks.  So… I explained that our school we expect student to respect adults and while he was suspended he needed to decided if he could abide by the school’s rules or look for an alternative setting.  This young man reminded me of Debbie’s dream.  Currently he is on a bus to nowhere.  In the short conversation I had with him, I was able to determine that he did not have any future goals for himself.  He could careless if I suspended him or if he passed any of his classes. School was the last thing on his mind.  His education was less important than his cell phone.  

 

Why has our society has lost it zeal for an education.  I’ve heard my grandparents’ remark… “I was only able to attend school until the sixth grade,then I had to go to work.” Why is it that previous generations considered it a privilege to attend school, yet this generation considers it a curse?  What happened between 1900-2008 that has left American kids on a bus going nowhere?  There has been no time in history that students were offered more opportunities… alternative high schools, career-technical high schools, technology high schools, high schools for performing arts, Advanced Placement classes for college credit.  Yet… so few take advantage of these offerings.  It seems the Baby-Boomer generation’s work ethic is retiring with them.  What is to become of American society if this trend continues?  Personally I would like to know that this generation is a bit more motivated than to bubble an answer document on a state mandated exam.  Somewhere along the way our kids have lost the ownership of their own education and destiny… it is our generation’s responsibility to stop the bus and rescue the children!