4-28-08 - Stuck in the Middle with You!

“Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to right… here I am stuck in the middle with you”!  That particular song has served me well the past couple weeks.  It is the most dreaded time of year… standardized testing began today.  Now merely “starting” this endeavor doesn’t “just happen.”  It has taken Debbie and I two solid weeks to set those darn testing bins for 114 teachers.  Because of the unique way we split Algebra and Geometry, we had to verify EACH student’s math class before we could label the exam for proctors.  And… as if my already frazzled nerves were not tense enough, the trained monkeys at the state as well as a few of our own mistakes, screwed up the order this year.  Almost daily for two weeks we were requesting additional exams that were initially shipped incorrectly.  

 

Now I have settled into my position as assessment coordinator fairly well for seven years, but for some reason this year has been more difficult than usual.  I don’t know if it was the addition of a new Braille student who need a modified exam at the last minute or the fact that the state shipped us only two of the three audio versions of the exams we needed, but it seems like everybody’s needs were being met except my own.  I have requested a formal complaint be lodged with the State Department of Education for the number of exams we have going… ALL AT THE SAME TIME!   This week we administer the STAR exam, next Monday we give the APRENDA to the Spanish-speaking students who have been in the country less than 12 months (that order was not correct either), Tuesday and Wednesday we the CAHSEE to 10th graders who were absent during the March administration, then finally on Thursday and Friday we will give the STAR make-up exams.  All of this is going on while Advanced Placement exams are given to students enrolled in AP courses as well as CELDT exams who are given to non-English speakers who are enrolled during the month.   Did I mention something about clowns and jokers... there are a few of them in the state capital!??

 

Last weekend I gladly accepted an invitation to join seven of my girlfriends for a little rest and relaxation in Palm Springs.  My friend’s father owns a condo there and it provides the much needed rest and relaxation for us all.  Now I mention this, because just two days ago I enjoyed an exciting water volleyball game with the girls (ranging age 42 and up) and thought to myself, PLAY IS MISSING FROM MY LIFE!  For some reason I manage to allow all the “clowns” and “jokers” to suck all the life out of me! Thank heavens I have a group of friends who drag my behind off for some fun now and again. 

 

I was relaxed, although a bit sunburned from a wonderful weekend when just in a matter of moments I allowed the “jokers” to get me again.   I collected all the bins from teachers, the day went off without a hitch, but when I returned to the office I noticed some “clowns” hanging around outside the door of After School Detention.  Our “golden girl” otherwise known as our lead campus supervisor was attempting to shoo the “clowns” away from the door distracting their friends.  They were not listening to her, so I walked over myself.  I finally got them to leave, when I looked up and one of them was tapping on the window yelling at a friend inside.  I “yelled” myself for him to take off, when one of his buddies smirked and yelled “Why are you so angry”?  I walked over to the wise crackers and was met with more disrespect.  When I asked the “joker” to join me in the office he refused and long story short this resulted in three administrators and a police officer friend who happened by getting sucked into a huge ugly scene in front of the school.  I LOST MY TEMPER!  I WAS ANGRY!  Although I am a bit “plain spoken” I can usually hold my cool, but today I lost it!  I yelled at the kid, his friend in the purple pants, who kept yelling that his friend should run from me, and anyone else who would listen!  I marched them both in office gave the Saturday Schools and called their mothers.  One was supportive but “purple pant's” mother wanted to believe her son.  After I hung up for the phone, I could feel my blood pressure throbbing in my eyes and thought to myself… what was I thinking??  Is this job worth all of this nonsense?  Why are kids so disrespectful?  And… who left them in charge anyway??

 

When I finally got home I remembered my song… “Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right… here I am stuck in the middle with you.”  Whether it happens to be the screwed up testing orders or smart mouth teenage boys somehow we are all “stuck in the middle” surrounded by life’s nonsense.  How we choose to deal with the nonsense is entirely up to us.  Life is full of “Clowns” and “Jokers” and from time to time they do rattle our cages.  The key is making sure that we take enough time to “play” so that we don’t simply shut down.   Today I let the “Clowns” get to me… I got extremely angry.  As my police officer friend remarked, “You pulled a Texas on them”!  Maybe that is what they needed, but allowing the situation to fully control my being was not healthy.  Instead of imagining folks in their underwear as public speakers often do, from now on I choose to see my world with painted faces and squeaky red noses!

 

 

Stuck In The Middle With You"

(As recorded by Stealers Wheel)
J. EGAN
GERRY RAFFERTY

Well I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I'll fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face
Losing control yeah, I'm all over the place
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please, please.

Try to make some sense of it all
But I can see it makes no sense at all
Is it cruel to go to sleep on the floor
Yeah I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you.

And you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please, please.

Yeah I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I'll fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am
Stuck in the middle with you

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Here I am stuck in the middle with you.

(c) Copyright 1973 by Baby Bun Music Ltd. and Ricochet Music Ltd., London, England.
All rights for U.S.A. and Canada assigned to the Hudson Bay Music Company, 1619
Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10019.

 

4-18-08 - The Unexpected

As a former social studies teacher I have been trained to anticipate the “expected.” After all, if we don’t learn from history we are doomed to repeat it aren’t we? I have found too many times I presume a person’s behavior simply by similar experiences I’ve had in the past with similar individuals. Heck, I have even been praised for my anticipatory actions based on my dealings with the “teenage herd.” Recently, a very handsome athletic director commented to me about the hours that football coaches spend reviewing films of other teams. By the time their own workouts come around, they can share with their team what percentage of the time the opponent will be successful on any given play simply by predicting other teams actions based on these films.

Sociologists spend their entire careers observing human interactions and the likelihood that certain patterns of behavior repeat itself. I was pondering on these thoughts when a good friend sent an email with the following paragraph summarizing the events of a lifetime:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back... Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. (Author unknown) This “predictive” advice I thought was quite good. How many times do school officials counsel children because someone did not “perform” at the level expected. Parents are supposed to be loving,supportive and self-sacrificing… but at times they are not. We have many kids attempting to shield themselves from the pain inflicted by parents who were/are not mature enough to assume their role in the family. Teachers are supposed to be fair, intellectually challenging, and unable to feel the pain of rejection by their students. Gangsters assume that the police officer they are shooting on the street is a blob of computer-generated electrons without a family who depends on him. Young girls routinely find themselves in tears because young “Romeo” broke their heart. We have certain expectations of “normal” and how “normal relationships” ought to be… Many times the pain of previous relationships is projected onto others in an attempt to shield from future suffering. I am afraid may times we attempt to live in world of “shoulda” “woulda” coulda.” And we don’t allow ourselves to experience the fullness of life’s experiences. The armor that some use to protect themselves is in fact keeping them from the richness of life’s adventures. I recall Brenda from an earlier blog; as a new transfer to our school she was never able to put the guard down long enough to see that despite the fact she had been bumped from foster home to foster home there were indeed some adults who genuinely cared for her. Her mental “paradigm” of painful relationships prevented her from gaining the love and support that she desperately needed. By pushing others away with hostility, she was in fact protecting herself from all the painful “films”running through her memory. I wonder if she will ever have a loving relationship based upon her life experiences? As humans we have all been hurt in someway, just as we have hurt others. If we go through life expecting that “everyone is out to get me” we are doomed to a life of turmoil. However if we teach our child that pain in inevitable, given that all humans “drop the ball” from time to time, perhaps we can equip them to deal with the uncertainty of the world. This may come in the form of distance from an emotionally unhealthy relative or friend, or letting go of an abusive relationship. Teaching them to expect the “unexpected” is the key to humanity as well as the way to push through the pain of their childhood and find the path to healthy relationships.

4-15-08 - Traveling on a Bus to Nowhere!

My mother raised an ornery child and nobody knows this better than my secretary, Debbie.  She knows this the best because each spring for about two weeks, eight hours a day she is confined in a dusty ole textbook storage room with me counting and sorting about sixty boxes of state mandated exams.  Anyone who has ever worked with us on the project can attest that we get pretty loopy in our semi-solitary confinement.  I can only take just so much serious, then I feel the need to find humor in the mundane…. usually at the expense of some unknowing kids name.  Now come on, it a parent names a kid a stupid name, it is my responsibility to laugh at it!  

 

Today was no different except the fact that both us didn’t feel well and we were actually nice to each other.  On a normal day I like to jokingly blame her for all the mistakes… and trust me I get it right back in the face.  And whoa is me if I loan out some of her #2 lead pencils… you would think I had taken one of her boys.  Over the years Debbie has become much more than my secretary, but one of my best friends. 

 

In an attempt to snap meout of the afternoon trance from counting one too many chemistry exams, Debbie told me abouta dream she had last night.  She had offered to chaperone a school trip for her eldest son and they boarded a bus… she went on to say they traveled for hours, only to arrive back at the school without stopping anywhere.  The funny thing she said, is that I was the only one concerned that we hadn’t gone anywhere… “We were on a bus to nowhere”!  We laughed about this for a while, but I started thinking…

 

This morning as I was rushing out of the office to tackle my testing project I was stopped by one of our staff members asking me if I could deal with the young man seated on the bench. (I will run faster next time)  This young man was sent to the office because he had his cell phone out and class and refused to give it to the teacher.  I long for the days before cell phones.  Cell phones are the adolescent pacifier… if you take one away, be prepared for the tantrum which is to follow.  Children today are permanently attached to the silly things.  And heaven forbid if a teacher takes one of them.  We have a policy if the phone is out during class it is kept in the administrative office until a parent comes and signs for it. First violation, the parent must pick up phone, second violation, parent must meet with administrator, and the third violation the student is suspended.  It literally amazes me at the parents who find themselves banging on the closed school door at 4:30 pm to pick up their child’s phone because the kid can’t do without their “binky” for one night.   Some parents make the excuse “my child needs it for emergencies.”  In fact, a friend who is currently on our SWAT team shared with me that during the incident at Columbine High School in Colorado the cell towers clogged up with student calls and emergency personnel had difficulty communicating with each other!  Amazing how our generation made 12 years of school without one of these things!

 

Anyway, not only did this young man refuse to hand over his phone to the teacher, when I asked him for the cell phone, he refused to give it to me as well.  I did not recognize the student; he later told me that he had only attended our school for two weeks.  So… I explained that our school we expect student to respect adults and while he was suspended he needed to decided if he could abide by the school’s rules or look for an alternative setting.  This young man reminded me of Debbie’s dream.  Currently he is on a bus to nowhere.  In the short conversation I had with him, I was able to determine that he did not have any future goals for himself.  He could careless if I suspended him or if he passed any of his classes. School was the last thing on his mind.  His education was less important than his cell phone.  

 

Why has our society has lost it zeal for an education.  I’ve heard my grandparents’ remark… “I was only able to attend school until the sixth grade,then I had to go to work.” Why is it that previous generations considered it a privilege to attend school, yet this generation considers it a curse?  What happened between 1900-2008 that has left American kids on a bus going nowhere?  There has been no time in history that students were offered more opportunities… alternative high schools, career-technical high schools, technology high schools, high schools for performing arts, Advanced Placement classes for college credit.  Yet… so few take advantage of these offerings.  It seems the Baby-Boomer generation’s work ethic is retiring with them.  What is to become of American society if this trend continues?  Personally I would like to know that this generation is a bit more motivated than to bubble an answer document on a state mandated exam.  Somewhere along the way our kids have lost the ownership of their own education and destiny… it is our generation’s responsibility to stop the bus and rescue the children!

4-11-08 - What's Wrong with These Kids Today?

      If memory serves correctly there is an old song with the lyrics, "What's wrong with these kids today?"  This age old question just doesn’t seem to find an answer.  It is apparent that despite what the Almanac says, spring has sprung in Southern California.  Seems just as teachers are running on their last fumes, students get spring fever and the educational process never turns out well.  Some how I manage to bury the horrors of the previous spring and proclaim each year that “This is the most defiant group of kids we’ve had in years.”  The past two weeks have been no exception:

 

          Last Wednesday – My own incident with Raul already logged in blog… he was transported to juvenile hall.  My visit with his probation officer revealed that he will be housed for up to ninety days then transferred to a court school.

 

          Last Friday–  A Math teacher reports that student did not bring materials to class (yet again.)  In an attempt to break this bad habit he sent the young man as well others to office.  On the way out the door Donnie told the teacher “He will see him at his moped after school.” (Gas prices are so high in California several teachers now ride bicycles, motorcycles and mopeds to work)

 

          Monday –  Today  I had a conference with one of our seasoned teachers who reported that Connie, who is in his 9th grade science class, cussed him out while he was attempting to redirect the misbehavior of another student.  “You are wasting my F—king time… you are such a dumb A-s you can even control your own class” she yelled.  I called her now mortified mother and sent her home for five days. 

 

 

          Tuesday – A dedicated district official and myself held Mini SARB meetings for students with habitual truancies.  The majority of the day is filled with so-called “medical excuses” ranging from my child has allergies to pancreatic scarring.  I guess the most frustrating was the later of the two.  It seems that the young man did indeed do some life threatening damage to his pancreas while racing in a motorbike accident.  However, the absences were not primarily related to the medical issues, but the father’s obsession with his son getting corporate sponsorship for his cart racing.  This has included ditching everyFriday to participate in races.  This young man has a learning disability and Dad was less concerned about leaving him in a school that can provide services for an appropriate education in lieu of a corporate school that would allow his son to race.

 

          Wednesday  – Male student, Curtis, attempted to start fight with another student in PE, the Physical Education teacher stepped between boys to stop the fight.  Curtis pushed coach; another PE teacher grabbed Curtis and restrained him so his colleague would not be injured.  Curtis went home and told his father that coach put him in a choke hold and called him a racially charged name.  An administrative colleague wasted almost a week investigating nonsense. 

 

     After school our visionary ELD director walked in my office and closed the door.  He stated, “I’ve had it.”  Our English Learners were misbehaving in all their classes.  He went on the say the new aide wasn’t helping since she wanted to be their friend and was more disruptive than the students.  I asked if I could help, and his remark was, “No, I will handle it… you have more important things on your plate.”

         

 

Thursday – One of our most inspiring young teachers came into my office in tears (she had dried mine after incident last week) and  stated that she was lured into a yelling match with Mike, one of the students in her At Risk Study Skills class.  Mike routinely does not bring materials to class, is defiant, disruptive and she was now heart-broken that she was not able to reach this young man.  

 

Coach from PE class dropped by office after he finished coaching team at 5:00 pm… stated incident was seriously affecting him.  Stated that he was nervous the kid would lie to press and cause undue damaged to the district.   I assured him that we were thoroughly investing the situation and he should not worry.

 

Friday – Math teacher contacts us again… he had gone to his bike and a screw had been loosened.  He requested that the student be moved out of his class.  We gladly compiled. 

 

My colleague asked me to cover her in a parent conference Monday morning, she had suspended one of my students, John the previous week for flipping off a teacher and telling him that nobody was going to f—king tell him what to do.”   I had his brother several years ago… who added new gray hairs.  Counselor shared that the same brother is now a heroin addict and John was very concerned about him.  He went on the explain that his father is a drunk and many times John has to take care of his mother because of his father’s addiction.   

 

Friday afternoon, sixty boxes of STAR exams arrived at school that needed to be inventoried.  This set-up process will require being “out of the office” for about two weeks. A colleague will also be out on a WASC visit.   Someone tell me, when the zookeepers are cleaning the cages who controls all the crazy baboons?

 

4-3-08 - Last Lecture

The attached clip from the Oprah show was emailed to me from an incredible friend who models this behavior on a daily basis:

 

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

 

*The Oprah Show is a copyright of Harpo Productions.

4-1-08 -- April Fool

Debbie and I sat in my office this afternoon and I earnestly asked the question, “Who in their right mind would actually pay university tuition to do this job”?   She replied she had wondered the same herself.  In my tenure as a school administrator, I’ve had a mental hospital call to inform me that there had been a threat against my life by one of their teen patents, I’ve come in not only to find bullet holes in my office window, but once I even found a turtle under my desk. To this day, I am unsure who placed the turtle there, but I didn’t realize I could still move that fast… the school nurse knows who did it, but she “ain’t” talking.  I’ve had to testify in court, search drug dealers, and yesterday I went toe-to toe with yet another gang-banger.  Ordinarily, I just laugh at them and call them another of “Malibu’s Most Wanted.”  I mean seriously how difficult is it to be a gangster in one of America’s safest cities?  Heck, I think I will get my group of middle-aged gals and we can all start dressing alike (if we can agree upon the right color) and doodle tags on our desk calendars!  Instead of being “jumped in” by the other members, we could feed each other home-baked cookies and pies until our high cholesterol is staring death in the face.

 

Anywho, yesterday my principal came to my office and requested my presence.  Before he became my boss we enjoyed an occasional game of “good cop, bad cop” with the juvenile delinquents.  Although he used to play  college football, I always got to be the bad cop!   I must humbly admit I play the role pretty well.  Today the tables had turned and I needed to be “good cop.”  Now I promise I made an earnest effort to play along.  

 

The same young man that spun out of control during testing a couple weeks ago was now seated in his office.   I immediately recognized Raul, because only twice in my career have I used the phrase, “Go ahead and hit me, it’s a felony.”  (I know, not the smartest phrase that I’ve ever spoken)!  This time he was dropping f-bombs to the school principal, refusing to pull down his socks and challenging his right to wear a cap with a local gang imprinted on it. (The local police department has deemed pulling socks up to the bottom of shorts “gang apparel” and we do not allow it on campus)  After two attempts to get this young man to comply, he had accompanied him to the office. 

 

Through the Blitzkrieg of f-bombs I attempted to calm the kid and tell him to be respectful to the Principal.  It worked about two minutes when he jumped up and was going to leave the office.  I stood up and blocked his exit and told him to sit down. I noticed his backpack and given his dress, I was going to see if he had tagged his notebooks.  After a conversation with his probation officer a few weeks ago I knew this would be a violation of his probation and I should let her know.  (By federal law, school administrators are given “en loco parentis” rights to search students in order to maintain the safety of campus.)

 

Sure enough I found pages tagged and began to pull them out.   Once again Raul jumped up, snatched the papers out of my hand and started to leave out of the side door.  I followed him, attempted to stop him by grabbing his shoulder and reaching around his neck to retrieve the papers.   He immediately started yelling, “you can’t touch me, you grabbed my neck and I am going to sue you.”  Now concerned for my safety, my principal jumped up and put himself between us and directed him to sit in chair positioned in the corner.  As Raul was sitting down my principal yelled for office staff to call the police department as I made my way to his phone to call the Juvenile Youth Authority.  He continued to berate me yelling, “You can’t touch me, you ain’t nothing”!  I attempted to explain to this young man that if a student becomes out of control I do have the legal right to touch him.  I was even gracious enough to offer to print the law for his attorney, he was so out of control he didn’t hear a word I said.

 

He then began to rip the tagged papers I recovered into shreds and proceeded to walk over to the trash can and throw them away.  In hindsight, I should have thanked him for doing his part to save the planet, but I continued to hold for a probation officer.  He then began to pace and continued to yell… “You think your tough, you ain’t nothing on the streets,” he followed this by saying “That is ok… I’ll see you on the streets” !

 

His probation officer was out of the office, but I was directed to the Officer of the Day for assistance.  About the time I was connected our School Resource Officer arrived.  As the principal explained the situation to the police officers I requested someone from probation come remove him due to his erratic behavior.  The Probation Officer requested to speak to our Resource Officer while we continued to calm this young man. 

 

During this conversation he shared that his friend had just been stabbed in a gang fight and later died.  His brother was also killed… his father was a gangster, he had grown up on the streets and that is all he knew.   Our SRO returned to handcuff Raul and informhim that he was being arrested fora felony threat to a school official.  At that moment for some reason his sister arrived at school with her three-year-old son to leave a cell phone for him.  The police explained to her that they were about to drive him to juvenile hall.   They waited until she left so that his 3-year-old nephew would not have to see his uncle put in a police car in cuffs. 

 

While the situation was being explained to his sister, Raul sat in the chair, handcuffed with tears rolling down his eyes.  He leaned over to wipe is face on his pant legs… this was more than I could handle.  I picked up a tissue and asked him if it was ok to wipe his eyes, he agreed and I wiped his tears. 

 

He was then removed for campus.  My principal then notified the district office of the ordeal and while he explained the story tears ran down my own face.  After he hung up, he asked what was wrong, I remarked, “This is a vicious cycle… it is just a matter of time before that 3 year old is sitting in someone’s office going through the same motions.” 

 

How do we break these kids out of this lifestyle?   How can we possibly expect them to fit into society’s mold if they have been conditioned all their life to be a gangster?  This kid had no clue how to behave properly within the school structure.  If we do nothing it is a signal of approval… if we remove him, nothing gets solved.   My boss looked at me and said "I will never ask you to play "good cop" again"!