12-22-07 - Where is the Luggage?

You can feel the anticipation in the air... Christmas is almost here.  Something about the holidays adds a spring to our step and a song in our hearts.  Unfortunately it also adds stress to our lives.  We run about rushing every where trying to pick that perfect gift, run back to the grocery store because we forgot the slivered almonds, and don't forget to pick up the laundry and pay the bills too! What Americans have done to a once spiritual holiday is down right shameful.

Now I can say this with conviction because I am one of the worst offenders.  The day before the break our school district scheduled a professional development day for teachers... please don't call this "inservices" it makes it sound much worse than they really are!  Staff development has been the passion of my career.  My former mentors were staffer developers, and if I have a bragging "rite" it is that I have been trained by the best.  Well... this was not apparent Friday morning when I was found munching on breakfast instead of getting the program started,  With much help, we had arranged a meaningful day of technology for our teachers. With such capable trainers, it was easy for me to get lost in anticipation of my long journey home to Texas/Arkansas for the holidays.

The morning session went well, despite me.  I excused myself early and hit the road for a trip that would take me three days... first stop, Tucson, second Odessa, third home!  By the time I reached Odessa my brain was now on its own holiday. Perhaps the reason was a fact that I had spent most of the previous night trying to convince the loves of my life, two little mop dogs (aka Shih Tzu) named Puddin and Punkin that every thump in the hotel wasn't the Boogie Bear that required a ferocious bark!  (After that eight hour drive didn't want hotel management to ask us to sleep in the car!) 

I arrived at Odessa ahead of schedule and realized that I had forgotten my coat...  I just had too much to do before I left!  It was now 30 degrees in West Texas, and despite the fact I was coatless the pups needed out for a walk.  I don't know if it was fatigue, the tangled leaches, the hotel door that jammed, or simply the stress of the season, but for some reason I pulled the luggage out of the car and left it there! 

I went into the room to get the pups settled without noticing I was missing bags.  It was so cold, so I decided to drive to the hotel desk for delivery service information and ice so I jumped into my new Hybrid and put it in reverse.  Suddenly I heard a thump!  Then a bump!   Then the car would not move!!!!   The handsome young man unloading his truck was now staring at me.  I had backed over one of the bags and by the time I got out of the car, face cleanser and shampoo was  forming a river down the parking lot.  Why is there ALWAYS someone there to watch you make a total fool of yourself??  

At first I got angry, where in West Texas would I find my over-priced, but worth it, make up remover?  Then I started laughing as I crawled under the car in freezing weather to retrieve my fuzzy pink slippers and what was left of my cosmetics!!   I am sure by this time the young Texan was connecting the incident to stereotypes of blondes with California plates.  What in the world was I thinking??  Or why wasn't I thinking??  I HAD JUST RUN OVER MY OWN LUGGAGE!!!

I am writing about all this nonsense because I had to ask myself this question... how did I get to this point?  Although you may not make a pancake out of your antacid like I did, I would venture to say that I am not the only one doing stupid things this holiday season.  So... what are we teaching our children about the holidays?  Will they grow up dreading them, rushing and fussing so much that they can't enjoy them?  Maybe we all need to take a breath and remember the real meaning of the season... then we can use this "vacation" time as a teachable moment for those who are watching us and will model for the next generation what we teach them.

12-20-07 -- Holiday Blues

AH... the day before Christmas (or whatever the heck we are calling it now) Break.  My very "thoughtful" boss continued the holiday tradition of the Administrative Team cooking  breakfast for the faculty.  Now this sounds like fun... but it involved getting up at 5am, and ACTUALLY cooking the breakfast.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't wake up until 10am.  And, it was quite ironic that yesterday I  opened a white elephant gift of coffee ... all my so-called buddies thought it was quite funny and made snide remarks too!!  Anyway, we served a nice helping of egg casserole, biscuits and gravy, and an assortment of sweet rolls and fruit.  Everyone was in a joyful mood and had full tummies UNTIL... the 1st period bell sounded.

I was opening several nice presents, when I received a phone call, "Fun time is over"!  Yep, it was over!  We had gotten a nasty email from a parent who was upset because the teacher had kicked his child's chair to get him to be quite during a guest presentation.  Now am I the only one to see the humor in this?  This parent insisted that this teacher be fired, despite the fact that she runs a nationally awarded program, because she had to correct his son, who was being rude during an assembly.  We spent most of the morning disproving the claim that this poor rude mannered lad actually fell out of his chair and hurt his back because this "hateful" teacher kicked his chair.  Come on folks!

This incident was followed by an unwarranted game of tackle football in the school library.  According to the guys involved the "tackler" was harassing a girl "friend" of the "tacklee" so he told him to leave her alone.  This was followed by a string of F-bombs (why do our children insist upon using this vulgar word?) and then the young man knocked him out of the chair and began choking him.  What ever happened to "Shhh, you're in the Library"???  Of course going to theoffice to report a problem is very different for this generation.  Not only did I have eight students demanding to fill out Witness Statements, but one of them had taped the incident on his phone.  In the infamous words of Charlie Brown... "Good Grief"!

My afternoon ended at the police station... despite my pleas to be locked up in a nice peaceful cell, they made me attend FULL SARB (student attendance review board) meeting with several agencies and the District Attorney.  Although it is nice to "share" with other agencies, it is very sad to watch students and their parents get arrested because the kid took over the household and is now refusing to go to school.   Watching these disheartened parents pay penalties because somewhere along the way they lost control is emotionally taxing.  I want to (and often do) lecture these parents reminding them that everything in their household belongs to them.  Defiant children should not have the latest baggy fashions, I-Pods, cell phones, X-boxes, or for that matter make up and studs in their ears (or noses.)  Parents should not come to these meetings and plea for help when they are catering to their child's every whelm. 

 

How do we break this sense of entitlement of our children? Think about it, if kids are not doing what they are suppose to do, all of Santa's toys should be returned or given to Good Will.  How funny would it be if some bratty kid actually did find coal in his/her stocking?  And yes, I've heard those parent stories about walking five miles to school ...uphill all the way... with a hole in their shoes too.  I am not advocating that we turn the clock back and literally beat the humility into kids.  But this generation has seemed to lose the notion of  "earning" anything.  And... we have created the little monsters.  Perhaps this holiday season we can take a few minutes and teach our children the value of gratitude and the necessity of responsibility.

12-11-07 -- But My Child Doesn't Lie

Parents please hear me... any kid (naughty or nice) will lie cover his/her behind on any given occasion despite the way you raised them... it's human nature!

It always amuses me to hear parents say "My child doesn't lie"!  On what planet?  I love my mother dearly, but at age 40 something today I lied to my mother!!!  For years she has warned me about the evils of raw cookie dough and batter.  In my world, cookie dough is about the best tasting thing on the planet!   But all good children should listen to their parents because at 3:00 a.m. I was bowing to the porcelain god in the bathroom.  You see, I knew better, but since my mother was two time zones away, I saw no harm in tasting that Christmas cookie batter, followed by the oh so yummy cake batter while using her own recipe!!! Obviously I found a "bad egg" and was up late last night wishing I had listened to my Mommie!!  I was able to drag myself to work about noon and the first words out of my mouth were "Don't tell my mother."  This was followed by the evening call to my parents and when I shared my ordeal... the first question out of her mouth was "you didn't eat cookie dough did you"?  Of course I blamed a popular food chain and quickly changed the subject!

Admit it... your kids lie to you, you lied to your parents and eventually your grandchildren will lie to those lying kids of yours!  When children are about to get "busted" for any given topic, they will lie to stay out of trouble. (Or in my case a simple "I told you so.")  Today Karen was no different.  While I was home rubbing my belly Karen and her parents met at a truancy meeting and attempted to give 10 good reasons why she was not attending school on a regular basis.  Excuses ranged from "those mean girls are going to get me" to "I have difficulty understanding English."

Shortly after I arrived at noon, Karen's parents came rushing into my office between truancy hearing and insisted that following the hearing Karen admitted to them that she had been raped by a 25 year old.   And despite, five school officials three Spanish speaking aides, two cops, and a partridge in a pear tree she stuck to her story.  UNTIL... her best friend was called to the office and openly admitted that sometimes Karen lies!!  Two hours later, the police had finally gotten to the bottom of the story... Karen had met this 19 year old boy at a party and despite the hickeys on her neck, they only engaged in heavy petting.  The police generally don't appreciate being lied to, and she is a very lucky young lady that she was not arrested for making a false report.

Children lie.  Good children, bad children, gifted children, special education children... it doesn't matter.  So... before you call some over-worked school employee and insist that YOUR CHILD DOESN'T LIE, please remember the last time you stretched to truth to your own parents.. and don't eat the cookie dough either!

12-7-07 "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

One should never take antihistamines prior to Shakespeare.  Despite the haze, I enjoyed a wonderful production of A Midsummer Nights Dream  acted by our drama department.  I was in awe of how a teacher could pull Shakespeare out of 15-17 year olds who spend more time texting their friends than doing their homework!  Our drama teacher was hired just prior to my arrival at Royal and I have watched her build an incredible drama program the past six years.  I have watched her take kids who were frequent flyers in the discipline office into outstanding thespians.

I have observed her teaching style and although quite different from "regular" core teachers, She meets the kid where they are be it black painted fingernails and an lousy attitude and walks with them throughout their transformation.  I have often quoted, "Kids don't care how much you know, until they know how much your care."  This statement, is a good description of her teaching style.

The first two hours I was seated with one of our teachers, who shared with me a concern for a colleague who in her words was being "eaten alive by kids and parents."   We hired this teacher a couple years ago and it was a battle from the start... not only did he follow an incredible teacher, but his teaching style was completely different from the previous one.  I have done a lousy job of mentoring this young teacher while watching helplessly his evolution from anarchy to dictatorship.  Neither approach has been effective in building his program.

So... what is the answer? Those around him suggest that "He should listen to the kids." or "He should have more fun and relax more."  Another stated that he "needed more support from administration."  I personally feel that he is suffering from a trap that many young teachers fall prey to... forgetting your mission.   In this era of "Standards-Based Education" it is very easy to get lost in the sea of curriculum or the the final product.  When this happens we often lose grasp of the journey itself.   It is the journey that should be the most enjoyable, those "teachable moments" along the way.  Teenagers are acutely aware of this process and when the instructor seems to care more for the "product" than "students," they have a tendency to revolt.  How many times have we heard "that teacher doesn't like me"?   When actually the love of kids, is the very reason we enter this profession. 

If I was brave enough to get a tattoo, which I am not... I would inscribe "Kids don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care" on my person for all to see.  Unfortunately, I have failed as a mentor to make this young teacher understand this is the one key element of education that must be present or all instructional practice is in vain.  When frustration reigns king, and the alarm clock becomes an unwelcome foe, it is time to re-evaluate our journey and completely alter our course if necessary.  As for me, I will schedule a much needed conference with this young teacher and lend the support that should have been offered months ago.

12-3-07 -- Full Moons and Other Reasons People Act Stupid

This morning I attended a five hour conference on school finance... almost a much fun as a root canal!  I routinely complain to Debbie (or anyone who will listen) about the "trained monkeys" who are in charge of school funding and the absurd decisions that are made in the name of public education. 

It was now 1 pm, I had just walked back in the office certain that my brain was about to explode if I was forced to think about one more categorial fund, when Debbie walked in and sat down.  I know my life is about to get interesting when she sits down and looks me squarely in the face.  "YOUR KIDS HAVE GONE CRAZY" she exclaimed!    At school we define "my kids" as those students who have the last name beginning with the letter "H" through "P."  Afraid to ask her what exactly she meant by "crazy" I offered her french fries that I had picked up on my way back to the office hoping she would forget the madness and let me off the hook.  She declined the greasy heart attack and continued... Matt is ditching again, his probation officer was here this morning and this stack (about a foot high) are things found in his locker that were tagged, and after checking out of school three weeks ago,  Juan, a  habitual truant, came back on campus and stole I-Pods today,  Justin hid the band director's music and now he wants to kick him out of band, and one of the Gangska Little Girls is threatening a girl because her boyfriend, Juan, got in trouble with the I-Pods.   At that very moment, one of my retired male campus supervisors marched in the office... he had been "feuding" with another retired male campus supervisor and it had come to the point of reckoning... any one see the movie, "Grumpy Old Men" ?   I sat there with my chin perched on my fist and calmly asked "Is it a full moon"?

In my previous life as a retail manager, I remember "full moons" seem to bring out allthe crazies.  Public education is no different... it just seems like somebody flipped the "stupid" switch and they all come rushing out of the wood work!  Why do folks make "stupid" decisions?   And why... can't I finish my spicy chicken sandwich before I have to deal with them?

About then, my co-assistnt principal, walked in... she had been dealing with my angels all morning.  She told me Debra was sitting in the front waiting for her.  I asked her if I could do the honors when I noticed Debra had painted her eyebrows to look like an upside down "v" again.  Around here, this a a sign that a girl is a "gangster."  I had promised a suspension to Debra in a parent meeting if I noticed them drawn that way again!  I escorted her to the nurse's office and made her wash them off!  WHY DIDN'T HER MOTHER DO THIS BEFORE SCHOOL?   I reminded her that we don't have "GANGSTAS" at Royal High and sent her on an early vacation... maybe she will use the time wisely and buy me a Christmas gift???  Debbie seemed quite amused when I told her I suspended her for her eyebrows... I know there must be an ed code for that one!

I walked back to my office in hopes of calling Matt's probation officer when I noticed Diego in the other office.  Diego is the young man that became quite incorrigible with me at the FULL SARB (truancy meeting) last week.  He was ready to go with round two.. and like a sucker I played right into his madness.  My colleague ended up suspending him because of his gross disrespect to me and everyone else in his path.  The irony of it all is when she asked him what he wanted to do after he finished high school he replied... I'm going to be a Marine!  I know it was rude, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud.  Evidently this young man has never watched Gomer Pyle reruns... Sergeant Carter would love this one!

My day ended at Starbucks with our wonderful Staff Development Team... when I am totally convinced that the world is on it's way to hell in a hand-basket, this group of professionals affirm why I get up and face this insanity every morning.  They remind me that I deal with less than 5% of our kids while they are actually educating the other 95% in nurturing classrooms everyday.  Thank heavens for teachers... for they are the reason this insane world will continue to survive despite the full moons.

11-29-07 - Do I Look Like a F--king Hoe?

I  was siting in my office trying to wind down from a day of catching up with discipline referrals... you know, those kids who just "forgot" to serve that Saturday School or After School Detention when suddenly On Campus Suspension (OCS) Warrior-Queen appears in my door and asks the question, "Do I look like a F--king Hoe"?  After I managed some composure and wiped the tears that were now running down my cheeks I asked the question... "Why, did someone call you a f--king hoe"?  We laughed for a couple more minutes and  then she replied, "Yes."  She had caught a kid lighting up a cigarette outside the OCS room and she had taken it from him, attempted to escort him to the office when he refused to comply he called her the this inappropriate name.  Now this lady is no feather weight in dealing with the "worst of the universe" and she found this quite amusing.  She quickly remarked that her husband didn't even use these words in the heat of passion... which was too much information for my taste, but facilitated more laugher and a very sharp pain in my side.

RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT!!!  Where did we lose it?  Today during our FULL SARB (truancy meeting) a young man told me (as well as seven other adults from different community agencies) that he did not like me and he didn't have to respect anyone that he felt didn't respect him.  When he left the room, once again we had a good laugh. I am sure I will lose sleep tonight over the matter.   The Deputy District Attorney had an interesting take on the comment.  He shared that frequently he deals with gang members in court and he has observed that they equate "respect" with "fear."  So in essence this young man was telling me that he did not like me because I didn't "fear" him... in that context I consider it quite the compliment.

What amazed me the most is the fact that I was forced into the role of the parent with this child, while the parents sat there smiling oblivious to the gross disrespect their son was showing a school official.  I gave him quite the tongue lashing for being so rude and disrespectful.  When did I become the parent of 3,000 teenagers... is this why my hair is going white and my stomach stays in knots?

Mamas teach your children to respect their elders... please!  Today's story was indeed funny, but much too often we are forced to suspend students for cursing teachers or school staff.  It is ridiculous that students lose instructional time because they have not be taught that they are children and they should "respect those who are take charge" of them.

11-20-07 - Throw Away Kids

Ironically, the evening before Thanksgiving break three students were scheduled for expulsion hearings before the School Board.  Expulsions hearings in our district are the final destination for students who have violated school rules.  I dislike these hearings... not only do I feel like "Elmer Fudd" trying to figure out when to add the legal mumbo or when to simply explain our case, but it has always made me feel like I was giving up on a kid, simply throwing them away.

Most people go into this profession with a nasty need to save the world, or maybe just make it a bit better.  Either way, when we have totally exhausted our limitations as mere mortals  then we must trust the School Board to decide their fate.  When expelled, these kids are removed from district schools and shipped off to the county continuation school for a period of time.

This evening we took three girls who committed felony assaults on girls because they refused to join their gang (crew) Gangsta Little Girls.   The first hearing was was Cassandra.  Cassandra was the hardest of the three.  She followed a girl home through the park and beat her up, hitting her, kicking her, spitting on her and when the girl lay bleeding on the ground she took a marker and wrote "GLG" on her jeans and stole her cell phone.  This happened in one of the safest cities in America... scary huh?  She was told by the Board that she would never return to Royal, she was expelled for the remaining semester, and could return to another district school following semester.  Secretly, I wished the Board could find some magic law which would allow them the throw her in an isolation cell and throw away the key.

The next two girls, Vanessa and Jasmine, also members of GLG didn't like the way a girl was looking at them, so after PE class they opted to knock her to the ground and kicked her until administration found her lying on the ground in front of the Gym.  By the time they had reached the nurse's office with her, she was fading in and out of consciousness and was transported to the hospital by paramedics.  

Vanessa seemed aloof before the School Board as her mother struggled with a Spanish interpreter to understand the proceeding.  Jasmine told the Board that she wanted to be a lawyer as she called her "witness" which argued the fact that she did not hit the girl from the back, but attacked her from the front. (Note- did nothing to impress the School Board) Jasmine denied being a part of GLG although I had clearly found her nickname  and "GLG tagged in her notebooks.  When I suspended her I attempted to voice my concern with her nickname to her mother.. and was finally rescued by a Spanish speaking counselor.  I vividly remember the look of sheer terror on the face of her mother as I explained that her daughter was bragging about being sexually active at the age of 15. 

After Jasmine was recognized as one of the fighters, I went to her classroom to escort her to office... while the ambulance was sitting in the parking lot with her victim inside.  When I questioned Jasmine about the incident, she arrogantly remarked, "Yes, I hit and kicked her because she was mad dogging (hard looks) me."  Seldom in my job, have I felt emotions so acute I had to walk away, but this time I had to hand her off to my colleague, Barbara, until I could contain my own rage.  Couldn't this kid see what she had done?  Why didn't she care that she was sending another student to the hospital... all because she had given her a bad look??

The School Board expelled both girls and informed them after a year when they could return, they would never come back to our school.  Although all three girls showed some measure of remorse... I couldn't help but think, too little, too late.  The first victim and her parents moved out of state, the other is struggling with truancy issues that she attributes to being fearful to come to school.  To know this community and school this seems so absurd.  I feel perfectly safe walking in the evening and many residents still leave their doors unlocked.  How did this happen in this Norman Rockwell-like community?  If it is happening here, how about those "rough" neighborhoods "over the hill"?

What are we to do with these kids, short of giving up on them?  How did they become "throw away kids" ?   How is society failing these young people?  Do we do enough to save them?  Are the laws too weak to provide a deterrent for this behavior?   I have heard more than one police officer and probation official explain the system is simply too backed up to make a difference and too often than not cases are dismissed because they didn't "shoot" anyone. This statement is usually followed by "The school" has a harder bite than "the system"  which makes my blood boil!

Unfortunately, I have seen too many kids cuffed because they lack common respect for police officers.  If our kids do not respect the law... what do they respect?  I wish I had a quarter for every kid who has told me "I don't respect anyone, until they respect me first."  WHERE DID THIS COME FROM??   I try to explain to these confused children that "respect" is due a person simply because of their age or position in society.  But unfortunately, this off-spring of Generation X simply doesn't get it... where did we lose the simple niceties of society?  

This is very frustrating forme... and it makes it very hard on those of us who are determined to save the world!  But we will save the world, perhaps taking it kicking and screaming if we have to...

11-16-07 Interruptions

Pastor Rick Warren said today in his sermon, "If you want to make a difference in the world, you have to be willing to be interrupted."  Interruptions... don't like em, dread em, and just down right hate em most of the time.  You see, I am sort of a control freak and I prefer to wrap my days all nice and pretty and tie them off with a bow.  Unfortunately, that is not the world of a school administrator... one never knows for moment to moment what is going to walk through the door and interrupt our perfectly planned day.

Today it was Brenda.  Brenda is a special kid... not only is she in special education classes, but she has been dropped from South Central Los Angeles  into the heart of suburbia... Simi Valley.  Many urban school are interesting in that their students are socialized that they have to be harder and louder than the pack and they quickly learn if they show any sign of emotion, they will be gobbled up by the bigger fish and spit out for all to see.  Suburban schools are very different, loud, hard kids are ostracized, labeled as "trouble-makers" and quickly farmed off to the local continuation school. 

My first "interruption" by Brenda occurred about a month ago, when the teacher "threw her out of class" for her obnoxious behavior and I received a call from a campus supervisor that she was refusing to come to the office.  I met them outside of the 5 building and I could quickly see that Brenda "wasn't a Simi Valley kid."  Let's just say, she refused to walk for the campus supervisor or me.  We finally had to threaten to get a police officer to move her.  When we finally got her to the office, she stole our hearts.

Brenda is hard, she is hard because she has been in seven foster families since elementary school.  She has been moved from home to home, school to school and now she had multiple layers of callousness which prevents her from being hurt again.   Brenda now lives with her sister because her mother and father refuse to take her and her sister is her last hope before she gets shipped off to yet another foster home.  Now 16 years old, Brenda wants to be treated like an adult, but lacks the simple graces to be treated like one in the heart of suburbia.

Wednesday morning I was interviewing English Learner aides when I was "interrupted" with the news that Brenda had threatened another student and walked out of her history class.  The best I could understand... she seated her self by a girl that she did not like in the computer lab, and kept making noises to annoy her until the girl got so upset she yelled, caused a scene and the teacher told Brenda to move.  When the teacher told her to move, she began cursing and walked out of the lab. 

Campus security began frantically looking for her.  One campus supervisor thought that she found her in the restroom I spent five minutes on the radio trying to convince the wrong kid to come out of the  restroom stall and come to the office... did I mention was was in the middle of ELD aide interviews?  When they finally found her, frustrated I quickly suspended her and called her sister.  This was followed by a multitude of tears from this hard core kid begging me not to send her home because they were going to "yell" at her.  HECK... SHE WAS LUCKY I WASN'T YELLING AT HER!

Friday morning she returned from suspension, and once again she "interrupted" a meeting to tell me that she did not want to go back to her history class until we had a chance to meet with the teacher Monday.  So I agreed to let her work on her assignment in the office and arranged to get her work for the day.  She also asked me if I would callher sister at the end of the day and let her know that she had a good day... ordinarily, I would make some excuse, but this time I said... "of course I will."

Friday's referrals came and went and 5th period I received a call from the nurse's office that Brenda had shared with her English teacher that she wanted to hurt herself.  This is the one thing that will stop any school official in their tracks.  We are mandated reporters and if a child reports abuse or thought of hurting themselves we are required by law to report it.  I quickly called the Crisis Intervention Team and before I got off the phone with them, Brenda and her teacher were both in my office.  The Crisis Team opted to send a couple of counselors to the school for her and would possibly hold her the hospital for 42 hours if they deemed she might actually follow through with the threat.

During the 45 minute wait for the Crisis Team and Brenda's sister to arrive, I feel I saw just a small glimpse of the real child.  Despite the F-bombs dropped public places and the hard exterior this child was disintegrating internally.  Knowing that her parents refused to take her and now her sister was at her wits end with her, she didn't know what to do but to end it all.  I pathetically attempted to shared that she was special to our staff and we would be devastated if anything happened to her.  I told her that she reminded me a lot of myself (never thought this might be enough to push her over the edge) in that some times my mouth over rules my brain.  I attempted to explain that all families have problems and that I was so mouthy when I was her age that my mother threatened to put me away in a private Catholic school... of course my smart mouth replied, "but Mom, we're Baptist."  I got a laugh for that one.

Finally both the Crisis Team and Brenda's sister arrived and I was banished from my office for an hour and a half... but that was ok.  The "interruption" had been worth it.  Brenda was released to her sister. Now they will have counseling options available to them that would have taken months for the slow wheel of bureaucracy to provide. 

I guess as much as I despise them, some "interruptions" are critical to let us know where we need to focus on our attention.  I am glad for once, I allowed destiny to take control and shelve my personal agenda.  It makes me wonder though, how many Brenda's do I overlook everyday in my simple quest for organization? 

11-9-07 - Home Sweet Home

"Home Sweet Home"... you see this sign hanging in many houses, but... what does it really mean?  I had an interesting conversation with one of Royal's brightest teachers.  She had given her students a short writing assignment asking them to substitute the word "Sweet" with another taste.   She told me that the overwhelming response to the assignment bewildered her... "Home Bitter Home."  Bitter??  Now Hollyweird will not let us forget that the era of Beaver Cleaver is gone forever, but come on, BITTER?   Why are our homes bitter?  How did we get here?  How do we escape? Is this a normal cycle in society?

I started my morning by counseling two reasonable young men that "life is hard enough, we don't need to wound each other by teasing in a hurtful way."  Both young men agreed, shook hands and agreed to "stay out of my office"... until the next time...  Bitter?

Lunch supervision was interrupted by two young men who "used hateful words" and ended up in the principal's office for fighting... Bitter?

And lest I forget, Matt... he and a young chum (both in 9th graders) were one again back in the office this time for ditching class and urinating behind the baseball dug out, all on Matt's first day back from suspension.  Matt, an intelligent young man once again decided to run... actually he might be a good way for the staff to fight the battle of the bulge, where is that darn track coach when you need him?  Ok, now I'm bitter!

Matts chum, Glen, just a few moments earlier was a tough man peeing on the dug out, but soon after he was crying. You see being a "jaded" school administrator I suspected a bit more than a natural urge and found marijuana in his pocket.  He immediately began sobbing and said this is what my mother wanted, she wants to me to go to juvenile hall.  Bitter?

How did our kids get so bitter?  I am guilty as the next person using words to wound.  Turn on your television (formerly known as the parent of the 21st century) and the highest rated shows are filled with a marathon of cut downs.  My favorite TV show is "House."  Now I am a real good role model for our children aren't I?  Dr. House's sarcasm and general nastiness is what makes this show great!  I commented to a colleague last week, that I get most of my "A" material from Dr. House... but why? 

When was the last time you heard someone in your household celebrate the small victories of life?  Or... when was the last time we (I) nag with any little detail which is out of sorts.  There have been many times I have wanted to stick a sock in a parent's mouth when they publicly berate their child.  I have heard parents tell their children, "I have given up on you,"  "Why can't you be like your brother/sister,"  "You are stupid."  Folks words hurt!  And... once you have unleashed those demons there is no way to cram them back into your mouth! 

There are some cases where kids just choose the wrong crowd and get led astray, but more often than not, unruly teenagers are attempting to "punish their parents" for years of lousy parenting.  When was the last time you told your teenager you loved them and was proud of them?  Of course you will probably have to hide the I-Pod first, but you get my point.

Teenagers as much as little kids need parents.  Parents who routinely set boundaries AND ENFORCE THEM.  Parents who love unconditionally, but will not accept less than their best.  They do not need a best friend to have beer parties in the back yard for all their friends.  Being "cool" is not good parenting.  And most of all, good parenting involves taking the time in this hectic world to stop and give love and affection to teenagers... even if they don't want it.

Perhaps I get the most angry at parents when their child is in the office in real trouble both with school and sometimes the police department, and when I ask them to come pick up their child, I hear... I am just to busy right now.  WHAT??  This is YOUR child, YOUR responsibility.   Please do not get to the school at your convenience, do not make excuses for your child's bad behavior or blame the school or someone else.  This is your opportunity to to show your teenager how much you care, yet reaffirm your (and society's) expectation for them.  Good kids make stupid decisions from time to time... the learning part which follows is the critical element.

My dad is a pretty remarkable man, but I guess what I recall the most about his parenting during my teenage years is first he always stopped what he was doing (even amongst his buddies) to give me a hug and kiss when he saw me.  And secondly, he told me "I can't force you to do anything, but understand bad decisions will result in real consequences."  And trust me there were.  I now use this phrase on truants.  Teenagers are wanting to break free, even if they are not emotionally equipped to do so yet... parenting this age is difficult, learning when to let go and when to hold on tight.

If we are to face the epidemic of "bitterness" in our society, we need to take the time to stop and actually face it.  "The Village" is not responsible for raising our children, we are.  And unfortunately, if we don't take time to do it our kids will find a cheap replacement such as the "village" gang or  dulling their pain with drugs. 

10-8-07 - This Is My Responsiblilty Because?

I love Thursday mornings, while teachers are in meetings I have an extra hour to deal with some of life's strangest scenarios.  Today it was the arrival of the dreaded CAHSEE (California High School Exit Exam) Cops.  These are special auditors sent to schools to verify security was not breeched during test administration.

It is my responsibility for this test to remain secure even though the entire premise seems totally ludicrous to me.  Now don't take me wrong, I am a strong proponent of accountability, but can someone explain why we are testing high school sophomores on their knowledge of 8th grade English and math standards?   It seems to me that students should be given this 8th grade exam following the 8th grade and if they don't pass... KEEP THEM IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!!  DUH!   And if you say that you don't want 21 year olds hitting on your 14 year old daughter then provide a special school for them until they catch up with their peers or provide vocational classes for them.  But oh no, we pass them on from year to year and teachers are forced to "dumb down the curriculum" so that everyone understands... the poor "mid kid" can cast soaring with the eagles to the wind because we had to slow down so little Johnny can catch up equipped with his 4th grade reading level.  (Gives a whole new meaning to saying "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you are surrounded by turkeys"!)

Oh sorry... I was ranting about CAHSEE Cops.  The short of it is that I am responsible for this exam... but some where along the way we have missed the boat teaching teenagers this concept.  If you ever needsome entertainment, just drop by the office while I am trying to convince some well meaning parent that their student is being held responsible for their actions.  Let me share a few examples...

Today Jessica's mother became quite upset because we called to inform her that Jessica and her  "Home Girls" have started a nice little theft ring stealing I-Pods and Cell phones (why do we allow these gadgets in school?)  You see Jessica and the "gurlz" have formed this little girlie gang that is now responsible for two felony assaults on girls who did not join their gang.  I searched numerous book bags, met with many parents, and informed them all that if I saw any more graffiti they would face disciplinary action and would conference with the police department.  Now at first Jessica's mother was supportive, but now she is convinced that there is no way she is involved in theft... it must be someone else's child.

Another example is Paul's mother.  Paul didn't pass the 8th grade exit exam (aka CAHSEE) so my secretary Debbie, called him to the office, explained to him that we were going to administer it again this week, told him where to report, when to report, gave him a paper reminder and even had him sign that he understood the information and was given the reminder...  guess what, Paul didn't show up for testing.  This morning I got a nasty message from his mother that he shouldn't have to wait until March with everyone else to get yet another chance to take the exam... since he forgot.  You must be kidding right??

The day was topped off by Joe.  Joe should have "professional victim" tattooed on his forehead.  This afternoon we received a message from Joe's father that Joe is once again getting bullied.  When I received the message I gave his father a call and told him to have Joe come to my office in the morning and I would deal with the situation.  Of course this wasn't good enough for him, he wanted to come to school right then (after hours) to explain the situation.  Even though I explained I couldn't meet with him immediately, I looked up from a thought-provoking discussion with one of our finest teachers to see Joe and his father standing in the hall.  Frustrated I got up and handed them a witness statement, only to hear the father say that he wanted someone to transcribe the statement for Joe.  I looked around the nearly empty office and suggested that they take it home so he could do it for him and he had the nerve to actually get angry... But surely I jest!

When did we stop teaching responsibility to our teenagers?  The world does not revolve around them or does it?  We are preparing for a hard road if we don't turn this tide.  Life has certain expectations of us.  If I compromise the security of the California High School Exit Exam they will invalidate hundreds of exams, my name will end up in the newspaper and I will probably lose my job.  My sassy little mother could rant and rave all she wants, but it is still my responsibility to secure that exam.   

Folks it's time we wake up and stop making excuses for our children and teach them to face reality and take responsibility for their actions!  Fighting their battles isn't showing love for them, it is shackling them to a delusional world that simply does not exist. 

 

 

11-5-07 - Kids and Old Folks

This morning our Lead Campus Supervisor and I interviewed for a opening we had for campus security team.  I felt like Goldie Locks with the bears... one was didn't have enough experience, one had too much experience (and a very low cut blouse for an interview), one was ideal for an elementary school and one was just right!! 

This lady intrigued me with her interview.  She has been working for an assisted care facility and when I asked her what experience she had with kids she replied,"Kids or Old Folks there isn't much difference."  After I stopped laughing, she went on to explain she had witnessed fights in her adult care facility between Alzheimer patients running into each other with their walkers, she continued saying that you have  to watch them closely and that she had mediated many disputes.  I HIRED THE LADY ON THE SPOT!

If you think about it, there isn't much difference in adult care facilities and public high schools... both have the shy ones, the brainy ones, the ones with disabilities, and the plain ornery ones!  Both facilities serve grotesque meals, provide a little entrainment, and have plenty of drugs upon demand!   I guess all of us are doomed to rotate through this vicious cycle until pass on to the after life. 

Most kids don't realize just how fortunate they are to have someone to care about them, to boss them around and keep them on the straight and narrow.  My lunch was interrupted today by Angie and two members of SVPD's finest.  Angie decided that she did not want to come to school today, so she and a couple of friends were just hanging out (bored I'm sure) at the wash which runs through the middle of the city. 

Angie is an interesting child.  She currently lives in a group home.  I am not sure about her past, but I know there is a great need for attention.  (And... she will go to great lengths to get that attention.)

In addition to her ride to school with the "Boys in Blue," Angie had multiple referrals waiting for her.  Most of them describing her tardiness to class and how when she entered she always caused a huge disturbance in the classroom. 

I've tried Saturday Schools, On Campus Suspension, multiple lectures and threats of court, but nothing seemed to work with her... until now.  I found her Achilles Heel... lunch detention!  By forcing her to eat in isolation, I had removed her audience.  (I hate to admit I actually enjoyed her pleading "Please don't make me do that!")   If she fails to make it to lunch detention, I promised her own personal escort.  She seemed quite pleased that I might be the one walking her to class.  How does a child get to this point?  Most teenagers cringe at the thought of my attention, rarely do I find a kid that actually welcomes it.

I guess whether we are young or old, we all need to know that someone cares... someone is there to keep us on the right track be it in walkers or hanging out in the wash.  Only time will tell if I have found the right ammunition to deal with years of painful memories in this child's life... the key is trying to find that delicate balance between unconditionally loving those in need, yet still holding them accountable for their actions.

11-2-07 -- The Madness Begins

This Friday started like any other...  you see Friday's are the most dreaded  day of the week for school administration.  They usually include wiping some tough kid's bloody nose in one last failed attempt for the alpha teen position amongst the herd or the desperate call for paramedics because some lost soul overdosed on the drug of the week.  I did my very best to sneak into my office unseen lest I get bombarded by the "drama of the day" or by some overworked teacher asking for a smart mouthed kid be placed in the stockades until Monday. 

Unfortunately, my first mistake was leaving my safe haven for a cup of joe when I noticed the guardian of my sanity, my secretary, Debbie, with a tear in her eye.  Now if you knew Debbie you would understand this is very unusual.  Debbie is the one who routinely wipes the tears from my eyes, but rarely does she let this pressure cooker we call a school get to her.  This time was different.  I knew that she had been dodging the office gossip with her every effort, but this time she had be placed squarely in the middle of it.

I immediately went into "Mama Bear" mode protecting my own and begin barking "You girls are going to have to work this out, or I am going to write some people up."!  The next thing I knew tears were flowing and a woman across the room was running out of the office yelling "I'm not gossiping." For some reason teenagers and peri-menopausal women do not seem to mix... and our office doesn't have a shortage of either!

I made a poor attempt to convince my faithful secretary that she was not a fault and she had gotten drawn into the choas.  But... now she would have to play multiple roles in the office cleaning up the mess I had just created.  Shaking my head at my inability to handle the situation, I walked to the east end of the building on a quest for wisdom.  I had only begun sharing my plight when I noticed the plant manager walking Matt into the building... I know both Matt and his probation officer quite well. 

The next thing I knew our lead campus supervisor was handing me a radio with our newest assistant principal reporting that she had caught Matt two blocks down the road.  It seems that our custodial staff, once again forced into the role of detective had caught Matt tagging in the boy's restroom and he had taken off... did I mention Matt was on probation for tagging? 

So... I took a little walk and found Matt surrounded by Campus Supervisors and walked him back to the office.  I quickly told him if he took off running on me (now too old to catch him) I would just call the cops and "His Momma could pick him up at the Police Station."  Matt knew that I meant it too, so he quietly walked back to the office. 

After some convincing regarding the virtue of honesty, Matt admitted that he has tagged his nickname, but not the "FCT" the crew nickname on the wall.  Now it didn't take a rocket scientist to see the similarity in writing styles on the "FCT" on his notebook and the one of the wall, but I told him it was now up to the courts.  Our over-worked School Resource Officer and his new partner showed up and wrote Matt a ticket.  I suspended him and sent him home for five days.  By this time lunch supervision was over and I was greeted by one of our counselors, who had just gone out for pizza for the office.

I had barely swallowed my last piece of pizza when another counselor and my co assistant principal walked into my office and shut the door.  Shutting the door is never a good thing!  The counselor began to explain an elaborate story of how he attempted to mediate a parent, teacher, student conference that went very bad.  Simply put everyone walked out of the conference and nothing was resolved.  It seemed that the student was suffering for anxiety attacks and did not comply with the teacher's request to do work in class.  The teacher wrote a detention, which the student refused to serve.  

I attempted to call a very upset mother and explain that the student needed to serve the detention.  This was followed by an attack that "You should have been at the meeting" and "I will bring a doctor's note."  I attempted to explain there was a lot going on, we have 3000 students on campus and I would not unleash a clone of myself upon the world, but nothing would calm her down.  At face value, this seems black and white, the kid owed the detention but when I called the student to my office I could not discern which came first the anxiety attack or the detention.  So... I explained to a frustrated teacher that I could not in good faith require the student to serve the detention if she was indeed suffering with a medical condition.  As the teacher left my office I tried not to focus on the hours and man power that were sacrificed for this simple 1 hour detention.

Some days, I just love my job... this however has not been one of them.  By now it was sixth period and I just wanted to hide under my desk until 4:00 pm.  Luckily the weekend started and when I got home I managed to work out much frustration on the Boston Ivy peacefully climbing the tree in the front yard.

Tags: Who Died and Left the Kids in Charge