Now I always touted the phrase, “Kids don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care”! Folks who are truly “called” into the education business know this intrinsically. It’s easy to remember and a quick way of sharing I’m about “people” and not just “curriculum.” These words have always rolled off my tongue with ease, until they are actually put to the test. After all… that kid that is spouting profanities in the sanctity of my office is surely not due the same measure of “care” as those who arrived in class with textbook and notebooks in hand ready to engage in some meaningful exchange of academic growth.
My church as begun a new study of 40 Days of Love, an on the surface it seems like a harmless enough study. I thought to myself, why not begin this study of relationships with co-workers so we could encourage each other as this job of educating our youth occasionally kicks us in the teeth and we begin to earnestly question ourselves why we chose this vocation in the first place. So, several of us agreed to meet before school hours, lest we get entangled in the separation of church and state debate, to examine how we can become more loving to those around us. But… I have also been warned, be careful what you pray for it because you might just get it.
A goal of our administrative team this year is to “be seen.” Our visionary principal challenged us to not only drop in classrooms, but to roam the campus before school to welcome students and let them know we are there for them. Of course I personally saw this as an opportunity to “nab” those students who were violating dress code, smoking around corners, and violating any school policy… not the “spirit” of the task, but either way a good idea I thought. Until… I actually started saying “Happy Monday” to those sleepy little faces. (I don’t’ think I mentioned this meant setting my alarm a half an hour earlier, and downing at least three cups of black coffee lest I bite anyone in my path!) Although I was the only one to grumble about this exercise in “niceness,” in the beginning, I am finding myself actually enjoying the activity. My colleagues and I scheduled “duty days” and I found myself rushing out to the trusty golf cart to make my morning rounds Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.
Then…along came Tuesday. This Tuesday was my very first truancy meeting (SARB)… our counselors had scheduled the morning with children who began struggling with attendance after the very first week of school… sort of like Jenny Craig and me!!! I am certainly glad Jenny doesn’t impose the same kind of intervention plans that I do! Why is the second week so difficult??? Maybe if my weight maintenance counselor threatened to take me to the police station if I gained weight, I would think twice before I downed that jalapeno popper… after all, now we are legislating student’s diets in public schools, so perhaps this is the next step.
Anyway… Tuesday morning came, I was running late to work, only to get stalled turning into the parking lot by some “overly cautious" parent waiting for a break in the traffic, I honked for them to get out of my way only to find someone was in my parking place, I ran into the office to see an impatient mother was waiting on me, which was followed by Debbie “gently” reminding me that I was running late for my first appointment. I grabbed my favorite; “Don’t Mess with Texas” mug as the Campus Supervisors cleared my path to the coffee machine, lest I mow down any unresponsive child. I felt like the Texas Tornado and was behaving much the same! I welcomed “Impatient Mom” into my office, questioned her as to where was her child, looked her squarely in the eye and asked, “Now just what are you planning to do to do with your daughter”? Tears welled in her eyes from my bluntness… she replied, last night she snuck out of the house, got into a fight, she is now using drugs again and I don’t know what to do. Open mouth… insert foot!
Where was the love? Way to go Pam, way to show this parent we are here to help her and that I genuinely cared for her daughter. Once again I had allowed “life” to get in the way of extending love to my fellow man. Yesterday a counselor remarked, “When the kid needs support I help them, when I need someone to be “tough” I get Pam.” Where is the balance? I spent most of my young adult years working in youth ministry and Christian counseling. When I was in the classroom I taught psychology and sociology… so when did this evolution exactly occur from cream puff to junk yard dog?
As I began to ponder this remark, it led me back to my favorite quote… Kids don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Some where along my journey of attempting to shape the behavior of our troubled youth, I lost the “loving” part of myself. Although I am still a firm believer that our youth needs clearly defined boundaries, teenagers also know intrinsically if you are “For Real” or not. Yes, it is frustrating to deal with the lack of respect and empathy that permeates this generation, but when those of us who have been “called” to rescue them from themselves fall in the line battle, all “love” is lost.
Our greatest weapon in this war is “love” itself. In other words, if you don’t love kids, find another profession. For the most part, these kids have been told they are worthless from birth and the last thing they need is for someone to kick them when they are down. The “judgment” that often accompanies the trip to the principal’s office needs to be coated in the underlying belief that the child is worth more than they are giving society. Attempting to convince a kid that they are selling themselves short is often more effective than beating them between the eyes with the “You Oughta” stick. Perhaps I will hang up “the stick” and focus on the deep hurts within the child and once again model the Perfect Love that was extended to me.
