For years it has amazed me how indignant parents can become when they learn that the school has given their child disciplinary an action. I remember in elementary school my mother told me, “If you ever get in trouble at school, you can expect double that when you get home.” She made a believer out of me and despite my strong sense of independence I escaped the first twelve years of my education with only a detention for chewing gum in class. There were times that I remember my parents “marching down to that school” to speak to the principal, but it was because that cranky 1st grade teacher publicly embarrassed me for using an orange crayon on that duck rather than a yellow one… but that was different! Or, when my mother called the principal because that mean ole 5th grade math teacher refused to take my make-up math homework, but once again … that was different. I guess it depends on one’s perspective as to why they “march down to that school.”
I can relate to the old saying, “Where you stand, is where you sit.” It not only applies to politics, but the education of children as well. I still remember sitting in a pre-year staff development meeting as a young teacher and hearing the principal say, “Just remember, parents send us the most the important thing in their life…their child. When we deal with them remember how precious the object.” As a school administrator I try to remember these words while parents are yelling at me. Parents send us the best that they can, and it is my job to assist them shape their child to be a respectful citizen.
When a parent “marches” into my office, they bring with them not only memories of that delightful baby, but also the scrapped knee, hand-picked flowers and tears of pain. … they mix in their fears, feelings of failure and sheer desperation. They need to “vent” these emotions. Although they don’t know me, I suddenly I become public enemy number one because I have exercised my right to discipline their child. Although I never hesitate to explain to a parent that I have the legal right (en loco parentis… meaning just as parents) to discipline a kid on my watch, it is difficult for them to admit that their “perfect” child could be a fault or worse they have failed as a parent. That is not to discount at times that teachers are human and may be unaware they were unfair.
The important thing to understand is that in order for children (including teenagers) to feel safe, you must define boundaries for them. Despite your love as a parent, when a child makes a mistake they must learn from it. How quickly does society judge the battered wife for “staying in an abusive relationship”? We hear over and over, why does that woman allow that man to treat her that way? Why then is it ok for parents to enable an abusive child? If there is no correction the behavior will not stop and the child will assume the bad behavior is ok because their parents allow it. If I had a quarter for every time I heard a child in the discipline office be verbally abusive to their parents I could retire tomorrow. I never hesitate to tell the kid… that the person you are speaking to gave life to you, keeps clothes on your back, and feeds you… do not treat them with disrespect in this office! Unfortunately this pattern starts at a young age, and by the time they get to my office there isn’t much we can do to reshape the behavior.
Last week I gave a Saturday School to a student who had numerous tardies to class. When I questioned him as to why he was tardy to one class and not another, his response was clear. “Oh Mr.Teacherman doesn’t allow you walk in late to his class.” I remember a professor said, “if you expect mediocrity, you will get mediocrity… if you expect excellence, you will get excellence.” Kids seem to reflect your expectations of them. If you expect them to be knuckleheads, then they will gladly oblige you.
I guess what I am trying to say is … we should not allow people (kids or adults) to treat us badly. If you set clear expectations and refuse less, folks will somehow measure up. That’s not to say that everyone doesn’t have a bad day now and again, but if society communicated what will not be tolerated perhaps we might change the world for the better.
Parents, before you “march” please step back and evaluate… is this a teachable moment for your child? School officials please remember… parents send their child, their most valuable commodity, handle with care.
